gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
