Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
