best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
