Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
