you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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