pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
