And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
