In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
