So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
