walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
