yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
