it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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