Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
