toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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