His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
