Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
