i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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