you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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