my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
