I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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