I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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