Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize