Michael Bay diarrhea
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
We have so much sex to catch up on
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
