:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
what day is it and did you see me today?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize