You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
wanna go halves on a baby?
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
