I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Dear god my vagina.
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