I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
