And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
he puts the penis in happiness.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Just took my morning after pill in the library
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
