idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
