you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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