I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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