That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
