Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
