hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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