I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
