if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Found your dick twin last night
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
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