You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
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