i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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