This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Randomize
