there's paper in my vomit.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
