i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
