I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
