Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
