It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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