Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
