Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
