if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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