you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
my vag is so smooth its legendary
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
