Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize