i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
