I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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