I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
