he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
