Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
