Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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