So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
