I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
