Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
