Everything about him screamed your future.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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