I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
