piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
