i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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