you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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