WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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