Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
