shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
NoShamevember. You game?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
