What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
