this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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